5.10.10
Monday, May 10, 2010 at 2:33am
sitting up late tonight wondering if such an unusual form of a song will
work. i've always wanted to try shorter and/or just different forms as
well as continue my main 'job' of pushing at the inside boundaries of
the great and established song forms. this song is called "Smash,
Smash, Smash, Smash, Smash." it is unusual.
listening to it tonight i want the singer to sing more. but in this short
piece, perhaps that's the point-there isn't more. pb
5. 11. 10
Tuesday, May 11, 2010 at 2:37am
wonderful night tonight. young bass player Patrick Mulcahey in combination
with experienced genius John Mclean-very nice. the tune "Smash,
etc." will take some time. thus, the rehearsal scheduled for next
week. but i'm home now, its raining out, and "shelter" seems
like one of God's best ideas.
5.13.10
Thursday, May 13, 2010 at 2:15am
the song..."Smash" will
work. but it will take time.
in a certain way, its too easy. everybody understands the emotions
of despair. so i have to find a way to sophisticate it. nobody wants
the actors or the musicians or the performers to simply cry. no.
they want "FORM" between the emotion and the portrayal. my
job.
the intermediary. nobody cares, and i don't care, about the crying.
i care about the transliteration of such.
5.16.10
Sunday at 2:01am
Smash
a crystalline silt
can start the crumbling
of tall castles built
on kisses and blood
and dreams so like sand
the years shake loose and
we can’t
stop falling
drops of quiet salt
from a larger sea
so this is the sound
of a heart breaking
this is the sound of
the red on the road
smash, smash, smash, smash, smash
pb
01.24.10
5.17.10
Sunday at 11:55pm
i would hope that my music is smarter, stronger than i am. it should
be elastic and sophisticated enough to endure many listenings, many
interpretations. its like scrambling onto the roof from the highest
rung of the ladder which lies just beneath the lip of the roof. every
musical thing i do is like jumping onto the roof from that rung. higher,
better than i can be most of the time.
5.22.10
Saturday at 12:43am
playing Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" tonight under a perfect
half-moon. black night except for the moon, the stars and the barn light.
but the point-the harmony, the harmony, the harmony. analyzing it and
enjoying it at the same time. and what is the nature of genius? right
around bar 61 Beethoven puts the 'melody' in the bass register...softly
the left hand grounds the key center with that haunting dotted eighth
and sixteenth pattern while the right hand arpeggiates diminished chords.
WHAT was he thinking? did he get up, go to lunch, have a steak, a glass
of red wine and then say to himself..."i've got it. i'm going to
switch register just at the end of this fragile piece. what the hell
that nobody would necessarily associate the moon with this bass figure.
after this they will." ???
 5.30.10
back then, Memorial Day weekends were best hot. and the hot, best slow and quiet.
most electrical gadgets were off, refrigerators the hard working exception.
we went to decorate the graves of our families, we remembered those who fought
in the wars. during the hottest part of the afternoon, we took naps, waking
to the soft hum of lawnmowers and neighbors gathering. we did everything
outside. we swam, played and cooked outside; at night, we slept outside on
the porch. that first long weekend of the season, off from work and school,
we celebrated simply and quietly. there was and is so much to celebrate and
remember about being together in Summer, past, and present.
6.4.10
years into songwriting, i learned the art of letting go. at a certain point,
the thing has to sit wherever it is you left it. on the piano, in the recording
machine, on the manuscript paper... you and it have parallel and disinterested
lives for awhile. then you go back to it. sometimes its good, sometimes its
not. but you'll never know if you don't let it sit.
6.8.10
practicing piano tonight for an upcoming dinner where i hope there will be music.
the dinner will be full of musicians. these are some of my favorite social
gatherings...old-fashioned i guess, but lovely. practicing a beautiful Schubert
vocal/piano piece called: "Nacht und Traume." and "Moonlight Sonata" by
Beethoven. there are some similarities in these great, great composers. the melody
line elongated-such a confident choice. sometimes with a minor 9th or major 7th
creating a slight edge in the bar for a moment, then resolving. it is my imperative
to relearn classical music-to learn to play it again. i played it well in college
and then left it behind for many years. and so i practice. it is its own reward.
and it informs the jazz in many, many ways. these harmonic and melodic lessons
are one obvious way in which this great music makes its way into the performance.
6.9.10
Schubert's "Nacht und Traume" sounds so simple doesn't it? yet, as my composer friend told me, "not everyone has a gift for melody..." she's
so right. 'melody' seems the simplest thing to do, but its the 'Eloquent' buried
deep within everyday white noise and other musical tricks than amount to nothing.
6.13.10
let the song sit now for about 2 weeks. too late to listen tonight. will listen tomorrow. hope i like it. did finish a little instrumental based on Eb rhythm changes. think its cool. tomorrow i'll computer notate it. some of the notation too tricky for me and manuscript paper. sharps, flats, natural signs all within a few crunchy notes. jazz musicians often write a 'head' or melody over changes that they write or that are established within the repertoire in order be able to improvise over some favorite chord changes. this is the case here. feeling like playing Eb rhythm changes till the cows come home. hey, its a life.
6.20.10
Today at 3:16am
composing tonight. a song I've had sitting near the others. this one
called "The Swim" my question to myself tonight is- can you
start a song with one pattern of harmonic movement and then change it?
I'm not much for piecemeal-I'm a fan of tight forms so I'll let this
sit on the piano and listen to it again tomorrow. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
6.22.10
in my humble opinion, the two songs I've been working on will work. whew...!
still some cut and paste and rehearsal needed. think of the Green Mill
as as a nightclub music laboratory and I'm the main mad scientist on
Monday nights.
in "The Swim" I hear two vocalists, which for my purposes in
most situations, doesn't work so I suspect i will have to stick in a
two bar interlude between sections. which is a shame. when i record it,
I will definitely want another singer to record it as I imagined it.
Handel is to blame for this. I was listening to too much Handel and wanting
to split off harmonies. in "The Swim" I use phrase endings
as pivot points, not only harmonically, but lyrically.
the same word means something different ending the first phrase than
it does beginning the second.
this is a song I'm proud of as its composed of two syllable phrases-a
neArly impossible songwriting challenge as I want to tell a story. im
not content toying with cool words without creating a compelling narrative-even
if skeletal or mysterious. secretly I've been preparing a group of songs
of 2,3,4,5,6,7 syllables. or that's my goal. about half-way there. I'm
sure the world is breathless in anticipation.
6.25.10
Today at 3:56am
up tonigt late- getting fllight itineraries right and then practicing.
starting to work the voice seriously and withdraw at least vocally from
most social occasions. it is a big job i have coming up- like a boot
camp of sorts. if i dont feel well, or sing well, there is hell to pay.
and so i will put a blanket over the window so the light doesnt wake
me and in a few days we'll be onstage again outside of Paris. i will
have to have done everything right to get there in good enough shape
to give an energetic and inspired performance. yikes!!!
nursing school soundds better right now.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
7.6.10
Today at 1:14am
the tools of my trade:
musical elements, of course. harmony, rhythm, melody, tradition, song form, poetry
etc. then there are: the oil spill, the contemporary news events, the contemporary
tragedies, crimes against humanity, crimes against the environment and always,
my dear superficial compulsions. but
to sit down now, at this time in my life and to write a song, i need to pull
'love' out of the bag of tricks. it is the universal common denominator and
the thing my mother so wisely told me everyone would understand. but to go
to the piano with this, my life, my loss, my private moments and to steel
myself to transform them from sentimentality to lyrical line--this is not
easy. not now. especially not now. to sit down to work these days is to feel
the weight of my life in my brain and my 10 fingers. to see their faces,
remember the details, chronicle where they were, where they are no longer,
and what that looks and feels like. i wonder if i am artist enough to give
these people, places, animals, moments, losses, the great respect of fine
musical form and in this, the integrity they deserve.
7.16.10
Today at 1:14am
tonight i will finish a book! and its been a while since i've started and finished
a book in one sitting. i remember now, that like complex cuisine, the food (whatever
the merit of the book or the writer, perhaps even thin) develops character with
this uninterrupted chewing...very particular kind of thing. art is so much unrequited
love these days. we forget, we need to give to get. hmmm i forgot too. no more.
7.18.10
working on a song today as part of my "syllabic series." (the series
no one is particularly waiting for-- can you imagine....PATRICIA...PLEASE GIVE
US A GROUPING OF SONGS....EACH WITH A DIFFERENT SYYLABLE COUNT!!!! PLEASE, PLEASE!!!)
but i seem to be slightly obsessed with numbers as they form lyricism. this one
has two syllables per line....really tough to make a narrative out of that. I
love my 3 syllable and 4 syllable songs already.... ("Spring Song" and "The
Storyteller")but two syllables is really fascinatingly absurd.
still, i like it. it is a 'short form.' also something i've been wanting
to try for years...short form songs....like short verse....will it
work? how does it combine with music/improvisation?
well, i haven't recorded this yet...i hope i have time to try it at
my desk tomorrow. it is a 'wisp' of a song. i've left the words around..its
called "The Swim."
omg. i HAVE to get a real job now.
8.9.10
Patricia Barber next question from Isabelle (from musicalame) Comment
faites vous pour inventer une musique que me fait "ca" si fort, toujours
quo qui l'arrive et soit? Meme morte et enterree votre musique me fera
vibrer et sourire de plaisir dans le cercueil.
Patricia Barber- i think i can answer it this way: i had no influences
with what i wanted to do. there were the great American songwriters:
Cole POrter, Rodgers and Hart, Henry Mancini and on and on (many brilliant
songwriters) but there were no contemporary role models for writing
lyrics over the sophiticated rhythms, harmonies and possible melodies
of jazz. so i had to make stuff up out of the air. its what i did,
its what i do. 8 hours a day or so, i do this and practice, arrange,
work on music.
i was convinced about half-way through "Modern Cool" that i had an
identity that would last me the rest of my life. so within that, i
work. i take musical influences from absolutely everywhere. many harmonic
influences from not only jazz but classical music.
8.12.10
Patricia Barber re: thread of 2nd Facebook friends questionnaire: ah Eva, my
most ardent supporter. you articulate things beautifully. as for these other
artists, i don't know the work of Elvis Costello, nor the work of Annette
Peacock. i try not to listen to songwriters/vocalists since about 20 years.
i studied them well enough to be able to identify them easily and absorb
what i wanted and now don't like the 'interference.'
Arthur, i did/do
study all the musical forms of the great American songwriters. i
have notebooks full of charts of the forms. very detailed work. i
also study poets and poetry. i study harmony in sophisticated forms
and simple forms. i do draw the line at country music which interests
me not at all.
8.18.10
Apple is fairly unbelievable for artists and musicians. today i downloaded
drum beats. i had been asking for and looking for a particular drum beat
from my drummers, but couldn't describe it or articulate it. Apple sent
me about 100 drum beats and in there, i found it. so, this beat i think
will be the foundation for "The Grammar Song."re: "The Grammar Song" it is something i have relished and avoided for years. one can only imagine the puzzles, dilemmas and delights found there. i have the Oxford Dictionary of Grammar by my side and with that, here we go.btw: the MOnday night band kicked ass on "SmashSmashSmashSmashSmash." everything
i heard in my head, everything i could have ever wanted.thanks guys. :-)
8.19.10
next question
on the "FB friends questionnaire": from Jumbo: (paraphrasing)
what about the Monday night downloads? coming. i have a couple of
new CDs just recorded by Chris Grabowski at the Mill and i'm waiting
for a couple more. i felt a bit 'stuck' or 'tired' for a while for
personal reasons and now i'm switching up personnel and composing
again and feeling musically creative. if i like the recordings,
we'll do another MOnday night download. :-) i think we'll have one
for you soonish. its also a bit complicated and takes some administrative
work. though it seems anybody can record and post my music and concerts,
its harder for me to record myself and post it. long, boring story.
next question from Seda:
dreams - are you dreaming often of music? are
your dreams a source of inspiration to you?
no, i'm not
that interested in dreams. nightmares i try to
forget immediately and for the rest, i believe my mind wanders a
lot when i'm waking and considers alternative realities, turns things
around in interesting ways. concentrating very hard on unfamiliar
or strange scenarios in order to write music can be dream-like. that's
probably all i can handle.
8.20.10
i've always loved house gigs. because i'm basically introverted it is more comfortable
for me knowing the staff, knowing the audience, the room-most of all, i like
going home after the gig. though i do like touring and traveling, there's no
place like home. one can think more, write more, compose more and i insist the
quality of the music composed is better from those musicians who take time off
the road (grants, leave, sabbatical, personal time). i'm absolutely sure about
this.
8.30.10
Patricia Barber re: this band at the Green Mill tomorrow night----i promise,
John and i will try "The Swim." agh!
it is a short form song. what is that? no idea. i made that category up. but
JIm Gailloreto and i were talking about music and i said i always wanted to try
a 'short form.' short narratives, short musical sections...
well, this is that thing-beautiful, but short. and i'm not sure how that works.
i think it leaves you seriously wanting more....perhaps another solo section?
perhaps a song cycle of short forms? interesting problem. we will try it. i've
been cowardly...but its' finished.
isn't this an interesting
problem? not quite like any other artistic form. what i would hope
for is a satisfying musical moment with a small interjection of a story
to 'explain' the music. (hate program music, but you get the idea).
it should work. we do many instrumental only songs. and this is my
2 syllable song. its going to be short....it just is. this strikes
me as very funny. the whole problem. the syllabic obsession. mine alone
perhaps huh?
9.1.10
what a sensual discussion of summer and tomatoes. thank you friends! and
Susan, you're right about the names of the tomatoes..they are poetry-as are all
names of flowers and plants and animals. i love the way Nabokov mastered this
element in his prose. i would like to learn how to use these proper names in
poetry/lyrics. it will take some study.
i can't believe it is Labor Day. the water in the lake is still lovely,
but thankfully the crowds at the tourist restaurants are thinning. we
are starting to freeze tomatoes and other vegetables for the winter.
thinking about the stock of firewood. i will work at music harder as
vacation is over. in the old days, (a year ago? ) i would start touring
HARD at this time of year. since i stepped out of the fast lane, my life
is better. i'm more relaxed. i'm not afraid of opening my email, i don't
have to look carefully into financial goings-on, i'm not thinking i will
die on the next too busy tour. the idea that i will NEVER in my life
haave to do 15 concerts in different cities in 17 days makes me happy.
very.
been there, done that. made a lot of money for a lot of people. and
now, its just cake. and the music gets better and better and stronger
and stronger.
sometimes its especially
hard for women to cut alliances. to say "no" to
those who need them. even if they are in danger themselves. better too
late than never and better earlier than late. that would qualify as advice.
9.6.10
my dear friends who are asking and concerned about my financial health-i
must explain the 2006 debacle which initiated a profound change in the trajectory
of my life and career. with regard to the music business: there is
so much to be written i can only tackle it in pieces. please rest assured
that financially i am fine! and physically and mentally i am safe from
the pressure-cooker touring that can break the most clever and enthusiastic of
musicians. yes: i am still paying off a $16,000. debt that was left
to me after the 6 week tour of Europe in 2006. this was a fabulously successful
tour of all the capitals of Europe. from Portugal to Russia, we had sold-out
houses everywhere, and my dear tour manager Jay was leading us through it in
grand style. i have a treasure chest of memories from that tour. it was
only 2 months after the tour i discovered that the people who were handling my
money had "LOST" $160,000. which was NEVER recovered. after i paid the
musicians and Jay, not only was i not paid for this incredibly hard work, but
i was left in debt. this is quite a shock after seeing city after city
sold-out and knowing we had done well financially-or we should have done well. i
was feeling on top of the world anyway. in retrospect i must say i remember
Jay tried to warn me at the beginning of the tour while we were in Spain that
he 'felt' something was very wrong back in the US with our 'people.' but
by that point, there was nothing to do but continue the tour and fulfill the
commitments we had made.
losing $160,000 that you work for and expect (being away
from home also costs money) is a sticky situation financially to say
the least. Martha and i had to refinance and do some fancy footwork
to redistribute our assets. in the end, we did that and are fine,
but now i know enough about the music business and its ways of bleeding
musicians. it is no coincidence that so many of them, actors too,
end up in financial trouble. too much money flows through other
peoples' hands and it never gets back to its rightful owner. thank
god i refused their offer of doing my taxes and hired my own Chicago
accountant for that purpose, or i would have been in tax trouble too. one
of the 'tricks' of the trade is to charge the artist 'fixed expenses.' i
remember and have records of being charged up to $2000. a month for 'fixed
expenses,' their office, their transportation, (faxes? food? fun?) but
that is small potatoes compared to the many, many other ways they have
of keeping/spending/hiding/mishandling your money--flights, hotels, confusing
accounting and on and on. i would advise all young actors and musicians
to receive your own money...pay out commissions AFTER you have the money
in your hands. do NOT let others broker it. (dear friend Louise
Holland taught me that..thanks Louise) now i feel like an idiot for not
firing these people way before they had a chance to get their hands on
so much of my money. the signs were there. i learned this lesson
late.
before i became 'mini-famous' with the success of "Cafe Blue" and
especially "Modern Cool," i had saved a little bit of money from working
in clubs and living low. i put that into buying a small 2-flat in the
ghetto on the West side of Chicago. this small investment then
was mine and mine alone, something nobody could get their hands on later
and it functioned like a small but seaworthy life raft through the gales
of big talk, big money, and 'representation.' you see, after the
release of "Modern Cool" i surrendered control over my money which is
standard business practice attendant to double representation and a busy
schedule. now it seems obvious that letting others have control
of your money is just a bad idea. i have always been conservative financially
by nature, (a Nebraska thing) so one good impulse through those years
was to take Blue NOte's advance and immediately pay off a house in Michigan.
(thanks Blue Note!) smiling now, i vividly remember my 'people'
were angry and shocked that i had spirited this money away so quickly. that
was one good decision but i made many bad decisions.
now, these years later-i am not rich, but i am certainly not
poor. i only take the best touring dates and am happy that i am able
to say "no" to anyone, anytime. not many people are in this position
and i feel enormously grateful and relieved that somehow i've put a little
something together to allow myself this luxury. after all the bullshit
in the music business, i am surprisingly optimistic about my music, my
career, the future of jazz and the future in general. though i only take
the cream of the crop in performance opportunities now, the offers seem
to be more and more varied, interesting and plentiful. i will also
be teaching proudly at UIC starting this fall. things would have been
easier for me financially had this not occurred, but i wouldn't be as
smart and comfortable now. i would not have had the courage to
make the decisions i have had to make. things are good. my
dear friends, thank you for your concern. love patricia
9.16.10
not sleeping-amy-there is in my music making unabashedly
conscious effort. since 'poetry' stopped rhyming, i can like it or even
almost love some of it, (enough qualifiers there?) but i dont' conceptually
get it. is it the smallest in a long line of narrative forms? the novel,
the short story, the 'shortest story'? it it meant to 'outsmart' us? why
does it have so many Proper Names of Exotic Locales? and have the
poets actually been to these places? i find that hard to believe...they
must be traveling more than i do and i travel too much. what is the
point? to break my heart? then why the avoidance of all recognizable
form? if you are trying to tell me a story, why pretend you're not
trying to have an impact? you see....my uneducated opinion is that
contemporary poetry is the last bastion of late 20c Modernism-after it
went wrong. music, visual art, film, poetry. all forms of art
became rigid and dogmatic...longer discussion. perhaps all wonderful ideas
applied have a life span. and then they rot. music, without
repetition, became a bad idea. as is poetry without rhyme. and
so, as a 'poet' since i don't understand what the thing is, i'm more or
less, lost. i can only write what i like. what is to me like
songwriting-not always conforming strictly to rhyme, but in my mind, in
my math, it is rhyming, either internally, or obviously. and there
is sweaty effort to produce a form. call me sentimental, but i'm
the Artist trying to make the thing worth your time. so, i'm out
of 'time.' out of place i think. both old-fashioned and new
fashioned. marginal in a weird way. bravely and diffidently,
both.
9.24.10
the weather changed last night. i put on two shirts today. it feels like fall. i will miss the swimming (can swim in the gyms) but the brisk air is good for internal work-songwriting, piano practicing etc. there is such drama as the seasons unfold and we mere mortals have no choice but to comply. we act differently, dress differently, think differently.
9.29.10
i own Split--Premonition distributes it for me.
The Premonition titles are:
Café blue
Modern cool
Companion
Nightclub
Verse
The Blue Note titles are:
Mythologies
A Fortnight in France
The Cole Porter Mix
i spoke with Mike
Friedman today and he likes the material object so will keep them in
stock for as long as he can. perhaps smaller
companies these days will be better stewards of our libraries. large
companies are subject to takeover and then the decisions are made with
different criteria in mind. Mike has always been a champion of music-an
avid fan. that's huge!!!
love my people at
Blue Note. the future there is a mystery to
all.
in the olden days,
you didn't hear music unless you either played it yourself or you went
out to hear it. i'm not all that nostalgic
for the really olden days, still-- imagine hearing Mozart "live" after
your ears have been bathed in silence most of the day. a revelation!
10.7.10
Brenda, try thinking of "Pygmalion" as a love story. its written
in a very classic song form and is about longing for the object of desire. longing
intensely and for years and years and perhaps the object of desire finally
succumbs? or maybe not. but your 'LOVE' is truer than true, stronger
than time, than circumstance, than rejection. the 'Greek' thing of "Mythologies" intimidates
people but some of the songs are just 'songs.' also, try "Morpheus" as
something like a cross between a jazz ballad and a classical art song.
composed, short, very intimate and so like a prayer. "and let me
sleep...." who hasn't felt that? "The Hours" is a song about
Death. The Hours are two goddesses who 'clock' us...they watch us
and time us, but don't intercede in our lives, our predicaments, our tragedies. they
simply watch and count down our lives. ....think of a soldier waiting
for dawn, knowning that when dawn breaks, he must charge into battle. think
of a daughter sitting with her mother, knowing that time is short and "if
Heaven can wait, talk to Fate, give me just one more day..." she's
praying for more time. he's praying the dawn doesn't break. but
the choir sings on, the song scrolls down, ..Time goes on. "The Hours" do
not flinch. so if there is a God, where is he? and if not, "who'll
save us now?" "Hunger" is a funny and smart song about a skinny,
stylish, attractive and mean bitch who ends up with nothing--she's devoured
it all and she's only left with herself to devour. its dark. "The
Moon" is a child's song.. a riddle. but the verse of it is
the idea of the moon as an Actress who has had her heart broken by her
love, The Sun. and she doesn't feel like stepping onto the Universal
stage tonight. what happens to all of us if she doesn't? what
is absolute blackness? and do we thank her for her light, her illumination
everytime she steps on that stage, every evening? is it an act of
courage, her consistency? etc. they're just songs. stories. but,
also, not everybody likes everything. that's okay. i appreciate
your honesty.
10.8.10
there
are some songs and some parts of songs that i find difficult to hear,
difficult to perform. since i wrote the verse for "Persephone," (a
la Dante-transliterated in a few ways) i've only sung it once at the
POETRY Foundation/Blue Note/Museum of Contemporary ARt/event where Shulamit
Ran and Steven Young were moderators. the event had me talking
about and performing the "Mythologies" song cycle. between the two
moderators, a Pulitzer Prize winning composer and a POETRY editor, i
was held to task for my work. this is a rare kind of event for me..very
naked. though i was extremely nervous,i will always remember this evening
fondly. after that performance, for no reason related to the event,
i've found this verse difficult to sing. to my ear, it is one of
my most complex and delicate harmonic and lyric inventions. writing
the harmony had been like blowing glass. it is a subtle, thrilling,
and wrong lifting of minor thirds, tricky to justify musically. molding
and counting the syllables--like trying to give shape to fire. raw
desire soothed by poetry. a sublime ruse. Lawrice Flowers,
a 16 year old beautiful boy, sang this at the "Mythologies" concert,
and he was perfect. Persephone might have sounded something like
this. not an angel, not a devil. something in-between. something
completely compelling.
Persephone
verse
Summer pales, like a ghost of stubborn Spring
This itch, this prayerful longing for heat
Belies an angel’s
desire to take wing
So as you fall, then fall into me sweet
Persephone now your poet and guide
Night after day
after night, I’ll complete
Your saintly goodness with its darker side
As one without the other is naive
Past Limbo, to the Second Circle we slide:
11.4.10
i started playing with the cool young piano cats in a studio today to get familiar
with the may i say very odd ensemble of two pianos. i'm learning a lot just
by playing with them--more than just what one might do to make distinctions
of form as 88 X 88 = awful. will make up a set-list tomorrow. let's just
say it, i'm a nervous wreck about this. if you don't hear from me for awhile,
its because i'm hiding under the covers.
11.21.10
The set-list for the concert w Kenny Werner
Bumper to Bumper
-pb
Triste- Jobim
The Storyteller -pb
Milestones - Miles Davis
Touch of Trash - pb
________
Kenny solo - Joni Mitchell
The Swim - pb
Being w YOu - Smokey Robinson
Company - pb
Snow - pb
The Moon - pb
encore:
If I Were Blue - pb
11.30.10
i love what we're doing with the bands. the music is lighter,
more facile, more sophisticated. i was getting tired of the driving
grooves of last year and have been working hard to implement a satisfying
and quieter way of performing these songs. i'm very happy with
the concept and the band's execution. that's a good feeling...
12.2.10
a piano enthusiast and i have declared 2011 "the Year
of the Piano" for
me. how crazy is it that i would take time to (i never stop composing)
practice and take on new repertoire..some classical, much jazz. and
yet, it will all end up in some pb jazz cocktail. "the Grammar Song" will
take longer than even i thought..the research is way too enjoyable. nouns,
pronouns, verbs and their 3 perfect tenses. that's just the tip of
the iceberg. my job is fabulous and nobody can do this job like i
can. perhaps i'm not as prolific as i should be, but i do enjoy reading
these books, studying and plotting these rhythms and harmonies.
and i took time off to take care of my mother. time
well spent. i wouldn't change a thing.
paradoxically, i am successful these days. its
wild and slightly unexpected. i consider myself in a way unengaged--i
stepped very much out of the fast lane. but i practice and work
everyday-- i say "no"' to most offers and as somebody at a dinner party
reminded me--i don't chart in "Donwbeat" but perhaps success is
a more elusive prize than market research can show. i know i sell
out most concerts. here and all over the world.
and i am
content not to go all over the world but to practice and rehearse until
the moment/the offer is right. and i now have the freedom
to put together any group and enjoy it-create within it. learn
from it. and also learn from life. freedom to say "no" and
read and listen once again closely to Schubert's harmonic movement or
Miles Davis' bands. there is no limit to learning. until
something stops me, i will go on. and i have suddenly or perhaps
not suddenly at all, the confidence to do exactly as i please within
this music business. and that is: not necessarily to record
an album a year. not necessarily to record with a quartet. not
necessarily anything prescribed but instead the unexpected ensemble or
just hiding in my home with my family, a fireplace and composing. or
working with a classical pianist or a French teacher on lyrics, or gardening
and feeding friends and family. solo, duo, trio, quartet in all
forms. and writing songs that are only of my imagination but based
on profound knowledge of the art form and of my own art form as it has
evolved over the years. its now or never to stretch and change. its
now or never to live. time isn't forever, but i will live as if
it were.
starting 2011, after the French tour, i will not pay airfares
unless the offer is secure and the DEPOSIT is in the bank as soon as
the discussion starts and i can pay the airfares and still understand
the budget. but i don't have a staff, nor do i want staff, so most
of the time, i will simply not deal with the airlines. i will not
waste my time with administrative work that can be done on the other
side. i will not be the soundman, and most times, i can rely on
the house soundman. i will change and try new things and i will
play solo. and hopefully with Kenny Werner and others in 2011. and
new songs will come, in their time, as i live and work. and love
it all.
12.3.10
thank you dear Seda! i suspect Arthur, that if
there is emotional intensity, i will find a channel for its expression. this
is a subtle change i'm asking of the rhythm section, but a change
nonetheless. i am truly tired of the driving grooves. it
hurts me to see the audience put their fingers in their ears because
the band is too loud. we should be able to express ourselves
without so much volume. and this frankly bores me now. when
i'm bored, BAM, things change. such is life Arthur. everything
changes. and change is risky in its way. though i'm feeling
very good about these things and willing to bear the consequences.
10.15.10
thinking slowly about everything. assembling books and
music to take to Michigan--to dig myself into the snow and read and
think and compose. changing from the performer, the arranger, to the
composer and pianist. trying to avoid the Holidays which i used to
love too much, but trying too not to give up on the idea of a rebirth
of sorts. however slow it must be.
10.15.10
my mother gave me
some Treasury bonds. she saved them from
War Bonds starting in WWll. i never cashed them in because they
are so old-fashioned and elegant. etched in brown ink-without
watermarks. so unusual the young bankers had never seen anything like
them. they are encased in a Sioux City bank folder--a bank proudly
protecting its clients. they have dates and my name next to hers. until
her death, i only heard her whisper about these. after she died, i
kept/keep them in a bank security deposit box and i go there sometimes
to look at them and other papers and cards and coins she and my father
left.
now as i get letters
and letters from official agencies, it seems i may have waited too
long. the year is almost over and there is
some problem. i may have missed the point where they were worth
actual $MONEY. ah well...artists have their heads in the clouds or something.
but you should see them-- love inscribed in delicate pen
and ink. from a time gone by.
12.24.10
today i set out jogging in the snow..love the 25 degree snowy landscape. its
a soft foot bed, the cold is bracing, like running through a fine pencil
drawing. apparently i ran too far because i found myself lost. its
been a long time since i've been 'lost' on a road, lost within a mapped
area...the old-fashioned non-existential kind of lost. i'm guessing
this might be a hazard for the runner...one can run too far too fast. the
sun started to set, i got a bit panicky at first then realized
there was no choice but to calm down and give in. i started walking,
looking at the sights, the trees, the houses dressed up for Xmas,
the icy blue lake. and, you know?...being lost is a bit of a 'thrill!' we
don't get this kind of lost much anymore. 'choice' is real. a
fork in the road has consequences. and that small element of fear renders
your senses very keen. interesting afternoon.
favorite Christmas Eve memory: after (maybe) Catholic mass, definitely
dinner, mom and Bob and i would watch "It's A Wonderful Life" and stay
up until midnight playing Scrabble.
wishing you all something like that
or something else like that
Merry Christmas
1.6.11
packed the dogs, the books, the computer, the music, the food and my anxiety into the car to come out to the middle of nowhere. it IS, after all, the PIANO year and its easier to work with fewer distractions. we are nestled anonymously in a stark landscape that is cold and deeply quiet. the quiet is unsettling at first. the trick i find is to force yourself to move through that part, in whatever neurotic manner you must, until it becomes you.
i had a wonderful correspondence today with Kenny Werner about what music each of us is working on. he's practicing to conquer a piano concerto...says its way over his head...he was never trained to do this...pushing himself. i'm working on a few different things, Bach, as always, Chopin Etudes, Shostakovich Preludes and i think i may pull out some David Rakowski. and of course, always jazz and composition. reading about grammar is fun...hysterical really. and a fabulous book at night...i think a GREAT book: "the Finkler Question" modernism, postmodernism, humor. astounding. and i sent Larry Kohut an mp3 of Sofia Gubaidulina's "Sonata for Double Bass and Piano." are we capable? am i? we'll see. i had to order the music from the UK. this piece is dark and redemptive at the same time.
here's a photo of the 'backyard.' essentially the same photo i've posted but if you look into the black sky, there's a small white light. that is the moon.
i didn't capture her though it seems she captured me.
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1.12.11
head's up, a bunch of young guys with me this next Monday, January 17th
at the Green Mill. these Mondays in January and February are the 'slow'
nights. nights i remember fondly in my dreams or they are the rich
memories that relax me to sleep. these are the nights i would not trade
for anything. i've heard remarkable music from the audience perspective
on slow nights and i've been part of performing my own best music within
these protective clubs. there's a bonding-a freedom-relaxation-privacy-
that almost always leads us down a road to magic. luckily, we have Neal
Alger to help us put it all together. should be worth the $7. Patrick
Mulcahy on bass, Neal Alger on guitar, Matt Plaskota on drums. photos
to come later this weekend.
1.30.11
Smash, Smash, Smash, Smash, Smash
a crystalline
silt
can start the crumbling
of tall castles built
on kisses and blood
and dreams so like sand
the years shake loose and
we can’t stop falling
drops of quiet salt
from a larger sea
so this is the sound
of a heart breaking
this is the sound of
the red on the road
_________
the spectators stay
to see the rending
and all merely players
in kisses and blood
and dreams so like sand
last act away and
the curtain's falling
as i loved you so
i'm the last to know
this is the sound of
a heart breaking
this is the sound of
the red on the road
2.7.11
the little people
we save for a vacation, we save up emotional currency to be spent freely at the later date, the start of the vacation. we push back daily frustration and endure dry skin like pushing through the pain to the finish line.
we pick the date,
spend hard-earned money, buy the tickets, hotel and everybody's very
friendly. if there should be a problem of any kind however, and you
need a refund, it becomes an unfriendly world fast. once people have
your commitment, your money, they don't want to give it back. i have
found this to be true in business of all kinds these days. it is better
NOT to give out your credit card number...ever. its better NOT to commit
yourself...ever. its less expensive to stay at home and eat canned
salmon than to commit to flights that break the bank if you need a
little wiggle room. we human beings need flexibility. things change.
people get sick, (Larry, my bassist has hurt his shoulder for instance--last
tour Sylvain had a sinus infection so couldn't make the tour) --now
my dog is sick so we can't make the trip to Miami Beach. American Express
Travel Services will refund only 50% of my money, so i've written a
note to their customer service desk explaining the situation and asking
them to look at my long, long financial relationship with them. when
i get the answer, i will print it. i am curious to know what, if anything,
will show up in my inbox. a dog? as excuse for canceling a vacation?
sick people as excuse for changing flight times? outrageous!
i do think the world
has changed and become a very inflexible place. as part of my "living-with-less-stress" manifesto, i generally refuse to engage in conflict over resources these days. fighting for something worthwhile is noble. fighting nickel and dime is stressful and part of a world i want to leave behind. i have always thought it diminishes music which is such a delicate creature, this nasty bickering back and forth about money. it certainly diminishes me and so this year, this my piano year, i started the policy that "that's enough of that." i prefer to garden and eat my own food rather than argue about money. with regard to my 'business,' the new policy is: yes i will go. no i won't go. no arguments. please don't solicit my participation and then argue with me. i simply would rather not participate. and by the way, the energy savings makes room for better "live" music,
freer, more inventive.
this phenomenon,
larger than my business enterprise, is pervasive and icky. it seems
everybody wants to involve you in their argument. perhaps people just
want to argue but i suspect its partly a tactic of a kind of war. a small
war, their war but it wears you down and even if they don't win, you
still lose. everyday i hear that sucking sound coming from somewhere
too near my desk. it is the audible unsavory sound of solicitation.
we shall see what
American Express Travel Services has to say about our having to cancel
our vacation because of a 12 year old dog. i offered an explanation.
there will be no argument. life is short.
2.16.11
teaching today at UIC. teaching is giving isn't it? i always forget, though
i've taught thousands of students now all tolled at Northwestern U, Roosevelt
U and Berkeley, CA. i wrote out an arrangement today to show a student
how to do it...and afterwards i thought..."wow, i just GAVE that one away.." fingers
flying with pencil over the manuscript paper, right-handed, thin notes....the
experience of a lifetime..the experience to make it sound 'simple.'
2.16.11
how i remember
John S. Wilson is this:
we opened
at Michael's Pub in NY! this is/was the club where Woody
Allen played his clarinet on Tuesday nights -JOhn Wilson was THE jazz
music critic of the era. we were young and traveling on a 'budget.' Michael
Arnopol, my bass player and dear friend had recommended a hotel
in NY called the International Traveler's HOtel..all night i was wide
awake throwing my shoes at the rodents trying to keep them away from
my bed. this went on all week.
at the
end of the stay...after playing our hearts and bodies out for 5 nights,
the owner of Mchael's Pub (i forget his name now..i'm sure its public
record) decided to pay us half of what he had agreed to in the contract. this was devastating news. and, ace in the
hole THIS...! i knew it wasn't 'legal.' i had a contract.
the next
morning i stood at a phone booth in NY city and called John S. Wilson
at the NYTimes to tell him of this unethical, immoral, and 'news-fit-to-print'
betrayal. he very sweetly answered me...."leave it
alone."
from that time forward, in any city, in any club, in any
country, i "leave it alone." and don't bother with a contract.
dear John. thank
you again.
2.16.11
all my life, my mother was concerned about my mouth. "Pat, keep your mouth shut." and mostly, i have. still. am. will. zzzzzzzz
2.22.11
why tonight
was i so grateful when i got home? nice night at the Green Mill; i keep
practicing everyday. seriously strange of me. grateful for the
small heated apartment vs. the unrelenting cold outside. hearing and
seeing first hand the problems of the music business vs. my 'distance'
from it--both emotional and pragmatic. everybody's financial problems,
the life-threatening squeeze vs. the lessons on what's important from
my mother, so grateful she gave me enough rock bottom to be able to say "no." to
turn my back and walk away from almost anything unfriendly...not slipping
on the prolonging of this harsh season. not slipping on the ice.
not slipping. today. ?
2.28.11
tomorrow
is the Blue Note talk. the talk with the bankers behind the guys i have
loved at Blue Note. i'm calm. something even more than calm. its not
a given anymore that a major label can help you. in fact, they can hurt
you. these days, anybody who is signing with one has to sign a 360 deal
which means the label gets a % of your general income. from touring,
from merch, from your website from your assets in general! not for me.
never was. i don't know why everybody seems to be losing their head these
days.
i will let you know what Blue Note says. i know what Bruce Lundvall wants and
he and i will remain close no matter what happens. BRuce will be the
greatest gift Blue Note has given me! he is a man who has dignity, who
stands up for what he believes, who has vision and courage. my goodness,
like Bruce, we all must stand tall. it is really important now!
sweet dreams all
patricia
3.1.11
Blue Note
has been sold to CitiBank because the hedge fund owners couldn't make
their payments. this was a sad conversation for all of us and there were
tears to go around. my 'career' is in a good position--perhaps i have
something like intuition for stepping out of the fast lane just in time.
i will miss my friends at Blue Note.
Larry K and i are rehearsing this week for our duo concert March 10. The pbquartet
is embarking on 3 tours. Kenny and i would love to do a tour together
in the fall. ticket sales are great. the music gets better and better
and this Quartet is just BEGINNING to find a very unique sound. we have
offers to record, but we also have choices now. its a whole new world
and life is good.
3.3.11
'love' is
a transitive verb, as in Sanskrit, "to please" it is an act and it is
being acted upon...though i believe the action may be 'merely' mental. its
joy as food or warmth. its something appealing to your eyes, like color.
its jumping into a cool lake on a hot day, the pain, pleasure, submersion
in this surprise. the 'wonder' of knowing something you didn't know before.
it being alive together, physically or metaphorically sharing the same
air. it is the rope that keeps you from falling, the texture of
it in your hands.
this is what explains the pain of absence. it is neither an abstraction
nor a mental exercise. love is the strongest, most essential component
of survival.
3.14.11
Romanesque
Light as a crystal that flows to sea
You slip like sand away from me
You slip like sand away from me
Pray the gods will grant me air
Tell them I may follow there
Whisper your name and I will hear
Tender the dawn and I will be
Where Love looks for me
patricia barber
words and music
copyright Patsy Publishing, BMI
1995 and 2011
4.13.11
really
pleasant day at UIC! my last for this semester. because i'm going
on tour i doubled up on lessons during the semester and so ended early--looking
forward to fall there! the pbq--Patricia Barber
Quartet: we are already working on shaping a tour of Europe for November
with a stop in NY. will post when confirmed. on another topic: oh..RIP,
my French. when Bigsby got sick, something had to give, and it was the
French classes. i missed two and then felt i couldn't catch up. then i
desperately needed the 'content' of a language i understand well--English. and
i've been absorbing books at a record pace ever since. today i stopped
after juries for what was a well- deserved lunch at an exquisite restaurant
in Chicago called, "The Girl and The Goat.." its on the West Side, near
UIC. i had a pea/lamb thing that was divine, and halibut, and i read
about Virginia Woolf. i have studied her extensively in the past but can't
get enough.
lunch and
reading-- there is something about bracketing my time in the afternoon
(favorite time of day..late afternoon), in a place where nobody knows
me, where i have wonderful food coming from an artist in the kitchen..the
combination is magic. let's say i have a fetish for lunch. it
focuses my reading. its an indulgence perhaps but it works for me and
it works for me in the same way all over the world. in London,
in Paris, in Berkeley, at lunch the words in the books, paper or electronic,
make indelible impressions on my mind. they are as unforgettable
as i am anonymous there quietly reading and deliciously surrounded
by strangers. words and food are alchemy. today, the subject: how
Virginia Woolf prepared for the writing of "Mrs Dalloway;" her
story is endlessly thrilling.
4.14.11
that
last thought fleshed out a tiny bit... i think music and poetry and words
and food are intimately tied up with sexuality. especially
music being played onstage or composed to be played. the chords, if written
correctly, harken
toward each other and then your fingers slip between the keys, harmonies...and
it FEELS fabulous....
4.30.11
So
Arthur, my new direction is having palpable effect. I did predict it wouldn't
b for everybody didn't I? Less predictable dramatic shape.
It's never easy to make these choices. It is a suicidal artistic gesture--choosing
the open water.
5.4.11
The
set list from Larny sur Marne: trio, Rhythmning, Michael Row the Boat Ashore,
Spring Song, Winter, Milestones, duo-Larry, pb, I Thought About You, duo,
Eric, Pb, Someday My Prince Will Come, duo, Neal, Pb, Romanesque, Quartet,
Crash!! Encore: Knocks Me Off My Feet. Thought the
discussion about change might find this as fodder, opens w trio, then two
rubato and elegant songs, two Tempo songs, one with really high notes,
3 duo tunes in a row, all of different character and showing the musical
personality of the musicians onstage and also clearly showing their facility
and the sound of that instrument. Breaking hearts with Romanesque....my
heart the most. Then the whole Quartet back onstage for groove and fun.
5.17.11
usually
i let things play out on this page...everybody is intelligent and interesting
if sometimes critical....that doesn't bother me...its natural, even necessary.
but i pulled a posting i thought was unfairly nasty and critical of the
dear people of a venue/town and of myself. there must be other places to
put that stuff? i'm fiercely loyal to the people who are presenting music
these days. they're not doing it for profit. we need them. we need art
and artists and the towns, clubs and people who act upon their idealistic
convictions. if the ceilings are falling in on the bathrooms, if the hall
isn't as big as it might be, if the front rows are reserved for the patrons
of the art, if the artists seem tired or fucked up....imagine a world without
a stage or a fool.
5.24.11
AND
some inside info you should know. the most coveted, best paid concerts
are ones i play alone (oh what people will do to get me to do a solo concert
and its hard to get me to agree to do that) or with ONE guest artist like
Kenny WErner or Stefon Harris. duo concerts, with a bassist are also hugely
popular and can cover an entire room (in Toronto) easily. people like the
'proximity' to me, to my voice and piano that the stripping down allows.
i like all of these ensembles and certainly the Quartet can express my
material well with a huge breadth of sound and rhythm.
but:
i'm in
the mood to grow and change and that's that. there will be different
ensembles, even classical ones and classical moments, weird music,
sentimental music, music with weird instruments and weird musicians.
whatever i feel like doing is what i'll be doing. you'll like it, or
you won't. or something in-between. its a good thing that i don't stay
the same. you have recordings for that. i'm not anxious about this,
i'm excited, energized, working hard, confident. my fans are definitely
more anxious about this than i am. i do understand. but change is gonna
come. trust me a little bit, be patient. love ya, patricia
6.8.11
quietly
here reading and from inside the house i can hear the temperature outside
dropping. the trees are audibly stirring, something is tapping on the windows...it
will be a cooler weekend!
any stress of late shall be attributed to the heat. "it was the heat wave presumably,
operating upon a brain made sensitive by eons of evolution. Scientifically speaking,
the flesh was melted off the world." VWoolf
6.10.11
i've
suddently forgotten how to play the piano..all those white and black pegs
in orderly sequence...what to do with them? and sing? what
to say when you open your mouth? how can it possibly be meaningful? oh
my...
6.16.11
this
letter is beautiful and generous and arrived at exactly the right time
as i'm finally sitting down to work again and at the same time holding
off two recording companies trying to give myself some space to think and
decide what i want to do. perhaps i never want to hand over my music again?
perhaps recording companies don't have enough to offer anymore.
re: the piano, my piano playing, yes, you and Bruce Lundvall and apparently Seda
now agree (Bruce Lundvall has always wanted this)--more piano. i believe
with my mixing up the personnel and all the classical piano playing, combined
concerts to be scheduled, and many more duo (and solo?) appearances i am
moving toward exactly more piano playing and recording. it takes time and
courage to move out of a comfortable place into another place. Kenny Werner
is my inspiration for this--he told me, "when you're most comfortable is
when you must change." and so i have been...slowly but surely. sometimes
the change is not necessarily easy but in the long run it promotes growth.
ideally i think i would like to have a time in my life with a trio. the
perfect trio. guitarists give me color and rest and i need rest because
i sing and play, but a great bass player and drummer can do the same thing.
the rock edge is nice too but there can be a different sound for a different
time and place. perhaps i can bring a small keyboard to inject a rock edge
when/if i need one though i don't find people are disappointed at the duo
concerts...interestingly. i do love the guitar, Neal and JOhn and other
guitarists..you see..all these thoughts are rolling around in my head just
now as i look to continue this change and growth. i would like to find
myself using many different ensembles. and the songwriting is my first
priority, always. it defines all the rest.
you're are right about the lyrics on "Winter." thank you for reminding me. they
are correctly: "When I start to scream the snow buries the sound I slip on the
ice, that covers the ground. "
yes, i think you and my FB friends should feel free to point out lyric mistakes
in the songbooks because i run out of time to do everything. i will/should hire
my asst to go through these books again and edit them. its all just a matter
of resources and time.
i'm so happy you and our friends will have good memories from this weekend we
spent together. i have them too!
love,
Patricia
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